Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
