No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
