At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
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I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
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I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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