Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
