he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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