You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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