my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
