i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
