Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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