college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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