By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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