you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
