We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
