Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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