She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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