I look better un-naked...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
