haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
