I love black thongs
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
