if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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