And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize