I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
