I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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