You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
