I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
