I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
