If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
