Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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