I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
