puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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