remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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