dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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