...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
pray to the hookup gods
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
