She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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