I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
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Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
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My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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