My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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