I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
