White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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