I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
