he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
