It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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