Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
