how can u be prego again
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Found your dick twin last night
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
