i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
