Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
