Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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