And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
