My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
