i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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