You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
