hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
