Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
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This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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