Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
zippers are such a cool invention
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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