I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
tell me about the eggs
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
