He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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