Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
