My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
