But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
