I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
