someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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