Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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