Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
