I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
