So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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