He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize
