Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize