I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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