I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
