Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
